Why the Laurel Tree is Sacred

as texted to me by my Dad
The most difficult lesson to learn is which bridge to use and which bridge to break.

The dryad daughter of Peneus, Daphne, was just minding her own business. She was probably just cavorting in the fields with her friends. They were probably doing things that dryads normally would do. It was a lovely day in Greece.

And then, the sun grew hotter and began to shine much brighter. And then Apollo was there and he wanted to speak to Daphne. The other dryads rushed away in fear. They all are aware of Apollo Helios' temperament. At one moment he could be kind and charming and amiable and other times he can be harsh and cruel and brash.

Alone, Apollo professed his love for Daphne, as the gods of Greece are wont to do. Daphne looked at the god straight in the eyes and suddenly she felt a seething pain. No. She does not love him back. She refuses the god's profession of love. Apollo is angered. He will take what is not freely given. Daphne runs and the sun god follows after her. The chase would be swift. No dryad or any nymph for that matter has escaped the advances of the gods.

As she neared the river, she called upon her father, the river god Peneus and asked for protection. Tearfully, Peneus was forced to protect his daughter the only way that had struck him at that moment. He turned her into a tree. Daphne, meaning 'Laurel' had become a Laurel tree, as was named by Apollo and has been made sacred by his official decree.

What actually transpired was that Apollo had been played a fool. Eros was angered by the sun god who had made light of his archery skills. The god of the sun, who was also the god of singing, prophecy, archery and the sun had offended the son of Aphrodite. And so he shot him with an arrow of love at the nymph, Daphne. In turn, he had shot Daphne with an arrow of hate. Other scholars claimed that Eros was also irritated by Apollo's constant singing in the halls of Olympus. Daphne was just a victim of the god's cruelty. But then again, so was Apollo.

I've made a pretty good number of bad choices this year. It's been building up, really, and I've been seriously thinking of whether I really want to be in the industry I want to be in. I've been to other countries and read about other countries and see it on television and movies. It seems that it is not that hard out there as it is here. I have this strange feeling, sometimes, that with the way I think and the way I look at life and how I choose to present it, I'd be more accepted somewhere else. People have said it to me constantly. Wanggo, you'd so make it big abroad! I'm wondering whether if this industry, here in my own country, really wants me. I can't bring myself to make a movie based on a popular love song title. I could and try to make it something good or something I'd watch but, at the same time, I keep asking myself, how much compromises is acceptable, at the end of the day? I don't want to see myself as one of those people who don't compromise -- those artists who forces people to take it or leave it. For them, there is no in-between. I believe you can still keep your artistic integrity but still bend a bit to make it commercial or if not commercial, to be flexible to allow the producers to have their say as well. It is their money after all. It's not your product, entirely.

I've been hitting walls for the past 2 years, 3 years and I'm wondering whether how badly do I want to be here? I feel that people are telling me that I shouldn't aim so high; that what I have to offer won't sell, at all, in this country. It's sad. It really is. I want to make movies like Million Dollar Baby and Crash and Magnolia. But at the same time, I also want to make movies about Filipinos in the Philippines. I get so conflicted at times. I get so confused.

I'm at a stage where it's all or nothing now, you know? I'm getting too old to have an easy time going to other countries and starting from scratch. If I want to make it abroad I have to go now or soon. But I might have to give up the stories I want to tell about my country and that's important to me. But what if I stay and things don't get better here? What if they will never let me make a movie that I want to make?

I feel like Apollo, hit by an arrow of love and that thing which I love was shot with an arrow of hate. I chase it and it becomes something else, something I can't have. Will I just end up kneeling before it in tears, declaring some sacred and holy thing and walk away from it forever? Sometimes I find myself wondering why I was made with these thoughts in my head and a desire to express them but be placed in a country that doesn't want it?

I don't believe in fate or destiny. I also believe that the trials and hardships are given to us because we can overcome them. It won't be easy, it never is but we have to perservere. The question I'm trying to find an answer to is, here or there or somewhere else?

Is this a test of some sort? Well, it is, really. A test of how much I love my country and how much I want this. It's a test of how well I can think of a middle ground, a solution that solves both problems. It's a test of my willingness and what I'm willing to give up for that which I love.

At least, in that way, there is something to learn here. Apollo didn't even have that at the end of that day. He was just a victim, as was Daphne and Peneus. It was Eros who had come out with something from that occurrence. He had discovered he was an asshole. That his spite and his anger would cost a life.